Friday was a turd of a day. It’s usually a good mellow day at the office, but instead it was surprisingly busy. The To-Do List was really piling up all week, so I had a lot on my plate. Plus, my outfit was kind of dreadful, so that’s never good. But hey, you make the best of what you can with the only clean clothes you have left in the closet. Mood-wise, I was about even keel all day. Although I was busy, I was still in a decent mood.
That is, until I got on the subway.
The subway is busy at rush hour. It’s just a fact of life. And I’m totally cool with that. I am NOT, however, cool with rude ass bitches giving ME an impromptu lecture on subway etiquette when they’re the ones defying the standards of subway behaviour. I’m standing on the subway, just chillin’. This woman gets on, and proceeds to lean her whole body against mine. I was in a corner, so I couldn’t possibly make any room for her. And, it really wasn’t so crowded that you needed to be touching anyone else. So, when people lean up against me and I have nowhere to go, there’s not really a lot of give. I stand tough, because I’m not going to be mashed into a corner by some random bitch who clearly lacks human touch in her everyday life. Otherwise, why would she feel the need to rub all over me when there’s plenty of standing room on the train?
Out of nowhere, she turns to me in an overly put on “sweet” manner (and by that I mean condescending as fuck), and says “It’s really busy on the subway at rush hour, so you need to calm down”. WTF? I hadn’t said anything to her, I hadn’t even moved, I was just standing there minding my own business. But I guess if you’re as obnoxious and entitled as this woman was, it’s normal for you to get on the subway and squash your body against someone else’s and then be rude to them. That makes sense right?
So I said to her, “I don’t know what you’re talking about but you can back off”. And she continues on with this same bullshit attitude, “listen, you need to understand that the subway is busy and you need to be calm and make room for others. I’m just trying to have a calm, mature conversation about this with you.” That really fucking pissed me off. I don’t know if I look like a pushover or something, but I most certainly am not. And as pleasant and easy-going as I usually am during my commute, you don’t start shit with me and think you’re going to come away unscathed. Smash don’t take no guff, people!
I, in my most menacingly calm manner, replied “yeah, well I don’t know why you think that I need to be having this conversion, but I don’t, so you can go fuck yourself!” To which, she visibly bristled and then puffed out her chest and said “Well, you’re welcome”. I mimicked that false sweetness with a very syrupy “mmmkay, thanks!” right back at her. Bitch turned around, stopped leaning on me and got off at the next station. So, I guess that shut her up.
In the event that you’re out there reading this you rude ass entitled subway bitch, I’ll reiterate once more: go fuck yourself. How dare you get on the subway, impose your body onto mine, invade my personal space when it wasn’t at all necessary and then try to look down your ugly ass nose at me. If anyone needs a lecture about manners on the subway and I would also venture about life in general, seems like it’s you. So go home to your lonely cat-filled shanty and stay the eff out of my face. Because if I ever see you pulling that shit with someone on the subway again, I won’t let you off so easy next time.
By the time I got off at my station, I was positively fuming. I’ve had some really strange experiences on the subway, but nothing quite like that. So I met up with D at the station and told him my harrowing tale. We then decided that the best course of action would be beer. D always knows the best way to deflate my rage! If we fight, he’s best advised to forego the flowers and come home with a 6-pack instead. So we went to the pub for dinner and drinks, which had the desired effect. But little did I know, there was something even better waiting for me at home…
In the kitchen, my older sister had planted four colossal fudge brownies with cream cheese frosting. Mmmmm, brownies make for a very happy Smash!
Fudgey brownies and cream cheese frosting you don’t know how perfectly timed your arrival in my life really was! You make me want to be a better Smash. As much of a turd as Friday was, and as much of a bitch as that bitch was, nothing else matters when we’re together. Brownies, I love you!
And Fudgey Fridays is totally a thing in our household now, so I hope you’re prepared to make something just as tasty next week Mar. Because who knows what altercations I’ll have gotten into by then!