I started this blog February 5th, 2012, almost 6 years ago now. Pop quiz, do any of you readers out there remember why I started it?
I started this blog because my professional life was a bullshit horrible nightmare that made me want to fling myself off a ledge and I needed something to keep myself motivated and sane. Or if you prefer, I was on a quest for positivity and laughs.
A lot has changed since that first post. I’ve grown, I’ve learned and expanded my world views. I left my first job out of school, took another software job at a different company and started a new chapter of my career. I spent my time there building something truly remarkable with my mentor and friend The Magpie. We added more super awesome people to the mix and our dreams were taking off, for reals yo. And even though a lot has changed in my life in the years since starting this blog, life is comically still the same in so many ways as well. In particular, this blurb of text from a post I wrote in April 2012 when I left my shit job to start something new really makes me laugh:
At this time last year my work life was a fucking black hole of awfulness. The bitch in charge of the training department choose someone else over me as her second in command because I didn’t really care for puckering up to provide the daily rim-job that was apparently required to get anywhere in the company. I was surrounded by slackers and assholes who all wanted to call the shots but not provide any actual results.
I found myself at this very same juncture once again, this summer. Everything is cyclical, it seems. The Magpie and I built something spectacular. We really did, I’m not painting it in a more romantic light. People used to be jealous of my job, they’d say “man, your work looks so cool! What an awesome job you have!” And I did, I had an awesome job that was very fulfilling and meaningful to me. Unfortunately, piss poor leadership from the corner office has been slowly and painfully eroding everything wonderful we’ve built over the years. People who used to believe in the dream started feeling demoralized and depressed. When my friend, and my leader/boss said “fuck this shit, I’m out” it was the watershed moment that made me realize the party really is over. She had to leave, otherwise we’d have stayed there forever, fruitlessly trying to convince ourselves that this thing was still viable. But we both knew, long before she decided officially to leave that the dream was dead with management no longer allowing remarkable individuals to flourish. Instead, hiring a bunch of poser asshole entitled men who want to sit in an office with their C-level titles just delegating instead of actually fucking doing the work that needs to be done to make this company BOOM.
It’s a bullshit boy’s club now. A bunch of rich men patting themselves on the back all day, talking about their fucking yachts and how much money they all make while the rest of us break our backs lining their pockets. I realize such is life, you work to make a rich man richer, but most people in executive level roles at least have the class to not overtly rub lower level employees’ noses in their excesses. I refuse, straight up REFUSE, to work for a company like that. Fuck you, dicknoses! My awesome badass workhorse self is going to go work for someone who actually appreciates it. Not only that, incompetent morons getting promotions that they’ve in no way actually earned just because they have a penis and will kiss any ass for a little power? Ugggh, no. Again, that’s not the right place for me.
I value honesty, kindness, and respect above all else in life. At work, in relationships, friendships, every day life, whatever it is, those three values are everything to me. And we used to have all three in spades at work. But we sure as shit don’t have any of it now, which is why I decided to leave. I also think it’s important to work hard and earn everything you aspire to have, not just expect it to be handed to you because you’re a man and you’re there filling a seat.
I invested so much time and energy into that job, I gave it every last bit of grit I had to get shit done, solve problems, make clients happy, and put us on the fucking map. It wasn’t easy saying goodbye to some of the greatest people I’ve ever worked with, because there are some truly impressive people still working there who have become lifelong friends that I will always cherish. But it was incredibly easy saying “fuck you, peace out” to all of the assholes executives, that’s for sure.
On a more positive note, I had been there for about 5 and a half years. 5 years of my time was absolutely wonderful, one of the best experiences for me professionally in terms of growth and learning, becoming stronger and more capable every day with the responsibilities on my plate. Achieving amazing things with wonderful coworkers who inspired and encouraged me, and helped me do seemingly impossible things. The last 6 months of it, since they decided to hire the stubby little Napoleon fuckhead who ruined everything, sucked. But that’s not so bad statistically, 5 great years vs. 6 horribly unbearable months. I purge the bad memories and bottle up the good times to appreciate for what they were.
I feel happy again. I feel excited about doing something new, changing the tides of my career. I’m going to take a new job somewhere better, where I can already tell my boss is super cool and we’re clicking in that oh-so-amazing way that I know means we’re going to be a killer team. I need that in my life, as someone who seeks constant self-expansion and development, I need to work for someone I respect who has a breadth of experience and knowledge that they’re willing to share, to help me learn from.
I’ve been thinking a lot about the phoenix this month. A powerful, awe-inspiring mythical creature that lives a cyclical life of regeneration and resurgence. The nature of this wondrous creature resonates with me a lot right now. I had to burn down what I had before in 2012 and reset myself to start something new. I find myself doing the same thing once again. I burn down that part of my career and myself, incinerating all of files of knowledge in my head dedicated to that software, that industry, those clients. I arise from the ashes, regenerate myself stronger than before, with a fresh mindset and open heart. Ready to take action, ready to build again. Ready to fly, to soar.
It makes sense, burn the past and move on so you can embrace the future. I’ve done it before and I’ll do it again. I’ll come back more magnificent than the last time. There’s a phoenix in this heart of mine, keeping us on course and cycling us through my life journey. I trust it’s razor-sharp reflexes and immaculate steering, it knows when it’s time to start over and when to take flight. I’m ready for this next chapter and excited to see what the future holds.
It’s all good vibes again, the universe is singing to me and she sounds a hell of a lot like Kathleen Hanna these days. Singing super rad songs of empowerment, resurgence, and badassery galore! And I am kick fight superstar dancing my ass off at her party. Feels fucking fantastic, man.
Don’t you know? It’s our dance-floor.