Everything I Want

I know what I want and I don’t fuck around when it comes to decision-making. And I’m stating that as simply and sweetly as I possibly can. I’ve never been one of those waffling and indecisive individuals, I’m too impatient for that. I just follow my heart and the decisions come easy. Some people have a hard time following their heart, which makes sense if your heart is a total wiener. But mine isn’t. My heart is open and passionate and fierce. It never lies, its chambers pump honesty through my arteries and into my veins all day long. It’s easy to follow and it never disappoints.

There are an absurd number of decisions to be made when you’re planning a wedding. It can be exhausting, sure. But if you’ve got a bold heart to follow, like I do, then it’s pretty fucking easy. You just have to endure, that’s the trick. Drown out all of the unnecessary babble around you and endure. And don’t put too much weight on the little things, save your energy for more trying decisions.

It took me a long time to wrap my head around the planning of my wedding. I always knew exactly what I wanted, deep in my heart, I just didn’t want to tackle all of those decisions immediately. But when I was finally ready to commence planning, the decisions starting coming fast and easy. Venue, food, colour scheme, music, guests, it all just starts falling perfectly into place.

Stepping back, and looking over the work we’ve done so far, I can safely say that I’m kicking the fucking shit out of wedding planning, you guys. Like, seriously. Kicking the fucking shit out of it.

We’ve got an amazing venue:

Cardinal Golf Course

Our gorgeous golf course venue is going to look stunning all covered in snow


A delicious menu picked out:

4 oz. chicken breast and 4 oz. tenderloin

The meat: 4 oz. chicken breast and 4 oz. tenderloin. That’s right, each guest gets both!

roasted red pepper mash and steamed asparagus bundles

The veggies: roasted red pepper mash and steamed asparagus bundles

The dessert: banana chocolate chip cheesecake

The dessert: banana chocolate chip cheesecake

Exciting Do-It-Yourself invitations:

yep, we're gunna print them ourselves!

yep, we’re gunna print them ourselves!

The perfect pair of shoes to carry me down the aisle:

Sparkly golden disco shoes, fuck yeah

Sparkly golden disco shoes, fuck yeah

Our territorial, er I mean ceremonial, rings:

Our wedding bands

Wedding bands

And another majorly huge decision was made this weekend. Probably the biggest decision of the whole entire wedding.

The dress.

Wanting to be different, I originally intended to buy something online. Buying online meant that I wouldn’t have had to order it so far in advance, and I could carry on living my life without stressing too much about my figure. But if you go through a bridal shop, ordering eight months out from the date can potentially be cutting it too close. I was still feeling like I had tons of time, that the wedding was still a good stretch away, like in the distant future. So I had a little bit of a panic attack when I realized that eight months is kind of the unofficial cutoff for choosing the dress. If I left that all-important wedding dress decision unmade for too much longer, then it would be too late for me to backtrack and order something from an actual bridal shop. If the online search went tits up, then I’d be royally fucked.

So I texted my maid of honour, Joce-force, in a bit of a panic. She encouraged me to book some appointments and said that we’d ditch our boyfriends for the day to go shopping until we found something awesome. And we did. We did it, you guys. We got up early on Saturday morning, did a little bit of light day drinking while en route to bridal shops across the city, and we found the perfect fucking dress. I’m so excited about it.

And I’m so happy that Joce was there to help, I needed her. She doesn’t pull her punches, especially not with the pushy sales people and designers. I’m decisive yes, but I’m shy about telling people who I don’t know that I think something is shit. I only had to look at Joce and she knew what I was thinking. She’d tell people when I thought a dress was crap with no qualms whatsoever. Joce kept a steady stream of secret purse drinks flowing, she made inappropriate and hilarious jokes all day to keep us laughing, and she even haggled with snooty salespeople for me.

We knew we had the perfect dress when a dreamy, disbelieving look stole across my face as I looked at myself in the mirror. A happy, heart’s desires fulfilled kind of look.

It only took one day to find my wedding dress. Because I know what I want, and I don’t fuck around. And because I have an awesome friend who can turn even the most daunting of tasks into hilarious adventures.

Sexy tigres forever!

Sexy t-rex hands never fail.

Another decision masterfully conquered, and many more still to come. I’ll just keep following my heart and it’ll make sure that I get everything I want. It always does.

Saturday Fake Out

Looks a little different around here doesn’t it?

Well, a reader whom I shall not name, told me that my blog styling was what barf turned into an internet page would look like. And that was either just blatant insensitive opinion or an attempt to help. I’ll take it as an attempt at help, although feelings are still mildly bruised. Not one to be easily swayed by the influence of others, I did give this opinion considerable thought before making the update. I thought the old look was bright and fun. Barfing is fun sometimes right? Like last weekend when I barfed on my aunt and uncles lawn after the jack ‘n’ jill… well maybe not fun so much as a funny anecdote for the co-workers after the fact. (Sorry about that btw wonderful aunt and uncle! Thankfully it thunder stormed 20 minutes later and washed most of it away. Rest assured next time I will be a much more refined houseguest, er, drive-way trailer guest!) Anyways, I finally reasoned that if I want more readers maybe a change would help. Good taste is subjective, but barf is universal so updated blog page it is!

Now that we’ve settled that matter, time to get to the goods! This was not a particularly eventful week, it was mainly just getting back the grind and all. But it felt really long. It felt like Friday was taking forever! So much so, that I actually faked myself out on Friday morning when I woke up thinking it was Saturday! I woke up at about 4:30am because I was having a nightmare about a massive fucking tarantula crawling up my legs. I may have mentioned in past posts that I have a very vivid imagination. When I have nightmares it takes me a long time to shake the imagery out of my brain. Every time I closed my eyes I would see the tarantula tormenting me in a new more horrific way than the last. Also, tarantulas are my worst fear EVER. So thanks a lot subconscious for being such a dick at 4:00am when a girl’s just trying to get a little beauty rest!

I tossed and turned for a bit and then finally got back into a deliciously deep slumber. A few hours later when D shook me awake, I rolled over and looked at the clock and saw 7:02am. Poor D. He was greeted with “what’s your fucking problem? it’s Saturday!” To which he replied, “Um, no. It’s Friday babe, time for work…” Oops!

I faked myself out! I had to drag my tired ass into work for one more day before the weekend. When I told my boss he laughed and laughed, it was quite a riot for him. Although it kind of sucked, there is an upside to this because the feeling carried forward all weekend. Saturday felt like Sunday but it wasn’t, and Sunday felt like a wicked free day for no reason! And the most wonderful thing of all this weekend? I did not have ANY plans. None.

The past couple of weekends I’ve had a lot of stuff going on: birthdays, bachelorettes, jack ‘n’ jills, jays games, family functions, the works! I enjoy an active social life, but sometimes I like to slow down a bit too. I took the “free day” sensation and just let it roll…

First thing, Friday night I called the spa and got booked for a pedicure on Saturday afternoon. Perfection! See for yourself…

Nothing like a bright, beautiful shade of red to freshen my little piggys! These girls are good to go to market indeed.

Also, D and I took a trip down to the good ole Bloor and Landsdowne neighbourhood to peruse the local thrift shops. There was tons of amazing stuff! I love cruising through the aisles for 90’s CDs, sweet graphic tees, obsolete technologies, rad home decor, and the like. The most amazing thing we stumbled upon was Velvet Veronica’s long-lost little sister whom I shall call Velour Valerie:

That’s right folks, Valerie is a love seat recliner. Isn’t she a beaut? Oh, snap! It’s too bad we couldn’t have found you back in the days that we inhabited 42 Hickory, you would have been a perfect fit!

To cap it all off, D and I also made the Herculean effort of hopping on the subway and doing our weekly grocery shop at the Loblaws at Yonge and Lawrence. Oh Loblaws! We’ve missed you so, and we promise we will never be tempted away again by Metro’s brazen and brassy proximity to our apartment. Well, we’ll see how we can do for the next couple of months. I can’t promise anything for wintertime when it’s biting cold out and I don’t want to leave the apartment at all… but for now Loblaws we be chillin’.

It may not sound like much, but it was glorious. The Saturday fake out, easiest way to dupe your stupid brain into the long weekend of its dreams!