This is a very important landmark for me. I may just be erring on the optimistic side here, but I think I’m finally getting through to people. Let me explain…
This past Sunday was my sister’s bridal shower. My older sister is getting married this summer, my younger sister got married last summer, and my cousin is getting married next fall. So for the past two years I have been hounded CONSTANTLY with questions about when am I going to be getting married. And I’m not gunna lie, it’s been driving me fucking crazy!
With a couple of family weddings still on the horizon I really didn’t know how much more of it I could take. At every family function and every wedding related event for the past 2 years when the topic of a marriage comes up I brace myself for the inevitable line of questioning thrown my way:
“When are you getting married?” “It might be your time soon!” “Ooo can’t wait for your wedding!” “Have you thought about it?” “Is marriage in your future?” “Will you be keeping Darren around?” “Is he the one?” and blah blah blah on and on it goes.
Not only have the incessant questions been driving me nuts, but the fact that the only thing people are capable of talking about is these goddamn weddings! For fucksake, it’s one day of the year! Why do we spend hours upon hours and days upon days yammering on about one fucking thing?!?!
So you can see how this has begun to get to me… just a little.
And don’t get me wrong. I’m perfectly happy for my sisters and cousins. But let’s just keep the focus on the people who have decided to get married instead of piling heaps of pressure on the innocent bystanders. There are plenty of other awesome things in my life that you can discuss with me if you care to. We don’t have to map out my entire future right this minute just so you can feel comforted because you’ve finally figured me out, or whatever.
Also, I do like weddings. Getting dressed up, the open bar, ripping it up on the d-floor… count me in! The bitching, the crying, the drama, the agonizing over the most minute detail, that’s what puts me in a frantic scramble for the emergency exit on the crazy train.
The other thing that really burns me is that of our respective relationships, I’ve been with my boyfriend way longer than either of my sisters have been with theirs. Not that this means my relationship is better by any means, but I’ve worked hard to cultivate a meaningful and loving relationship with my dude D over the years. We’re a pretty rad little duo. Apparently, it doesn’t seem to mean a damn thing unless you get married. In fact, it seems to make things even worse because people don’t understand why you aren’t getting married. You’re not breaking up anytime soon, so why aren’t you getting married?
Just the other week I heard all this theorizing from my co-workers about the dreaded “7-year mark”. If a couple is together for 7 years and don’t plan on tying the knot anytime soon then they’re doomed to fail. It’s ridiculous. D and I will be rounding the 6 year mark in a month and we couldn’t be happier. So other than sinking tons of money we don’t have into a wedding, what is getting married going to accomplish for us as a couple? What critical difference will it make?
I think that marriage is in your head and in your heart, it’s not a piece of paper that you’ve signed. Marriage is the maturity, growth, trust, and respect that you develop as a couple over time. We already have that, and we’re always working to make it stronger.
Is marriage supposed to be a reason to have kids? Does being married make them any more “human” than if they are conceived out of wedlock? It’s not the dark ages anymore people. I think we’ve reached the point where we can procreate without judgement and societal pressure about our lifestyle choices. We are no longer living in a time where everyone has to have the same life path trajectory. So let’s just chill the fuck out with all the goddamn pressure, okay?
I’m neither for or against marriage in any particular way. I’m for whatever works for you. There’s a pro and a con to everything, right? And it’s up to you to decide what’s right for your life. But I guess I’m just at that time in my life when family, friends, co-workers, acquaintances, etc. are all rushing for the altar. And as excruciating as it is to endure, I suppose it could be worse, right?
Although, maybe it couldn’t. I’m not sure. Is it worse to be single when all of your friends are getting married or in a long term relationship that’s committed to staying long term but not yet determined to make it legal? Which is worse people? The pressure to find someone or lock down the someone you’ve got?
All I know right now is that I’ve finally caught a break. For the first time ever since all this marriage stuff started, I went to a bridal shower for my older sister and not one single person there asked me about when I’m getting married. And I was so wired for guarding against it, that I didn’t even notice I’d escaped the shower unscathed until my sister pointed it out!
People actually talked to me about my job and the travelling I’ve done! They asked me about my new apartment and how I enjoy living in the city. It was so friggen refreshing!
Like I said, I may be erring on the optimistic side here in thinking that I’ve finally gotten through to people. But fuck it, I’ll take what I can get.