Oh hello world. Come on in and make yourself comfortable. Allow me to introduce myself.
Also: Sloosh, Slushie, Smashers, Smashface, and a slew of variations on that theme. A couple of years ago I graduated. Yayy for me! I got a degree and felt that I had the world the on a string. The sky was the limit, there was nothing this dynamic, unique, and incredible girl couldn’t do. I hit the streets with a stack of resumes (seriously, I did. Even though it was 2010 I printed out copies of my resume and sent them places). Eventually I realized that I was coming off as a 23 year old dinosaur, so I popped on the email on started getting down with the times, doing it like everyone else. And I got calls. LOTS of calls.
However, they were going to my house phone. I didn’t have a cell phone, actually still don’t. I know, I know, I’ve heard this countless times: “it’s 2012, how can you not have a cell phone? Even my dog has a cell phone! he’s texting all day long!” But whatever, it’s not my bag. It’s an added cost to a broke recent graduate, and silly me for thinking that the landline was trustworthy. It was, perfectly trustworthy. It was my mom that wasn’t…
I was barely ever there, and so my mom got the calls. And apparently my mom was screening them. AND she was viciously selective! If mom didn’t think it was worth my time, she wouldn’t even tell me that someone called. She’s just pretend it never happened. I should also mention that I got my degree in English, so I was looking for cool jobs in the writing scene. When a software company called wanting to get an interview with me, the only reason my mom passed that fateful message along was because the company name sounded like it had something to do with writing. She was like, “Oh, it’s some woman wanting you to write for them, call her back.” WRONG. Dead wrong.
But it was an important call nonetheless. It was a software company and I was going to be a technical support rep. I went for an interview and what do you know, got a really rad new job. They liked me! I was special and wonderful and just what they needed. Might I also mention that this just fueled my “I’m Unique!” complex to outstanding proportions. And I’m not a smug person by any means, but I think this job made me smug in the beginning. Not overtly, but if you knew me well you were kinda like “Okay, smash, cool it on the smuggy shit already”. This job was not in my desired field at all, but it was serendipitous. I was on the fast track and I discovered that I could develop new skills, relevant to our technoogical world no less. Things were good. Great! Excellent even! But then the honeymoon phase wore off…
I realized that I was like billions of other newcomers to the workforce. I wasn’t some magical, mystical anomoly of excellence. I was a regular, 20-something kid with a dream. And I was going to have to slog through a lot of bullshit on my way to the top. I was willing and ready to fight my way up for my dreams.
Then things turned shitty. Really shitty. I took a couple of bad beats. I got passed over for a wicked promotion that was tailor made for me! All because of politics. Then more politics and bullshit followed. Eventually I became this downtrodden shell of my former self. The world was just some perpetually constricting anus and I was caught in a stream of its explosive discharge. Yeah, it got really bleak folks.
But then I realized that every day is going to be the same. For a long long fucking time. No matter what job you do, or what your role is you have to get up every morning and drag your ass to work. You’ll have to put up with some bullshit from some asshole every day until you retire or die. May as well make it fun! I began to look for the little things in my day that would be my secret weapon against the mundane. I would find joy in little things, sometimes very little things. But it made me stronger. It gave me my pep back. It’s the little awesome things that make you stop and go “Fucking YEAH! That shit is awesome!” that take your mind out of the boring, bland, banal daily routine and transport it somewhere else for a while and elevate your soul. Maybe it’s only 15 seconds of laughing at someone’s bad joke to make them feel better. Maybe it’s finally mastering this little thing in Excel that makes your job .00002% quicker. But it’s there. It’s all around you, you’ve just gotta open your eyes and see it.
That is my mission in this blog. I am going to share the little bits of awesome that puntuate my otherwise dull as fuck weekday. I’m going to share them with you and celebrate that life is kinda cool, even if it is mostly just a big jerky anus. Join me weekly to delight in the little things I’ve experienced that make the day bearable. And maybe my blog can be the thing that makes your crappy week bearable too.
If anyone out there is reading, stick around, it’s going to be a fun ride.
Cooch ya later dudes!